Wednesday, 13 February 2019

New Beginnings and Hard Feelings

Okay! Let's get realsies. Do you hate me for saying that word? I don't blame you but I'm not sorry 'bout it. I have a heart-to-heart post to share and I need to buffer it with some light humour.

Somewhere in the last few months, I hit a wall.

The tone of my 'October' post was rather upbeat, but it was actually around that time that I was feeling the full weight of some unhappiness I felt about the physical condition of my body. I felt so stuck. I was heavy with the notion that my health was an aspect of my life that I had neglected. In hindsight, the first line of that post - where I'm describing the weather - just seems so telling. That suffocating, mummifying atmosphere was still stifling my spirit. I just felt so sick of feeling the way I was feeling. It just wasn't me.

I can't name the day or the specific event that triggered the feeling but I was just beginning to feel so sick of where my body was at.* I felt sluggish and bloated. I was sleeping enough but very poorly. I was cranky, anxious and sad a lot of the time. My (vastly) underused muscles had this pent up energy that was screaming to be used, and they were tight, stiff, sore because they weren't being activated as they should be. I wasn't exercising regularly, I was overeating and eating out a lot and I definitely wasn't eating meals that were nutritionally balanced.

My confidence was majorly lagging. There is a long history behind how and why I became so sedentary, gained so much weight, and developed poor health habits. That's a personal story I don't wish to share at the moment. I just knew, in my heart of hearts, that this was not how I wanted to continue living my life. As a health care professional, and as a friend, sister, girlfriend, daughter - I have always advocated for healthy habits in all areas of life.  I was starting to feel very convicted about the way I was living my life because I had developed habits that were worsening my health physically and mentally.

All of my life I have enjoyed all kinds of food and enjoyed doing so without guilt or other yucky emotions attached. In my teen years, I was fairly active - I enjoyed exercise and I was a part of a dance team. When I looked back on those times where I was physically fit and mentally strong, I couldn't help but feel that that is more like who I am. I just kept thinking... I want my life back!

Cut to the present day, four or five months after those hard feelings came to a head. I exercise two to four times a week. I don't cut anything out of my diet, but I make a significant effort to fill up on more fruits, vegetables and fiber. I keep a journal on how my mind and my belly feel - am I feeling more strong and powerful from my exercise? Did I feel like maybe I should stretch more next time? Did I enjoy that 'splurge' food? Or would I rather have eaten something else? On a monthly basis, I weigh and measure myself to see if I'm progressing.

How I'm treating my body right now is MILES away from how I was treating my body in October. That improvement is something I'm celebrating because I'm feeling so wonderfully because of it.

*Note: not sick OF my body. Sick of the condition of my body. I love my body, and all the glorious things it does for me! 

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